Ep.2 The Break Up Bunch (Part 2)

 

Don't be like the rest of them Darlings.

Zsa Zsa


Episode 2 opens up with the Charlestonians getting ready for Shep's big boy birthday party. 

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As Thomas and his rebound eye candy drive to the party, Ashley forgot to drink a drink - because her thirst comes across screen to the point- hey get someone a hose!  She throws out "hints" on being the permanent caretaker of Kathryn's children as Thomas' wife- because this is so much cheaper and easier than staffing problems. She questions why Thomas has to clear the nanny with Kathryn's input. Oh, maybe because she contributed DNA to the making of those babies- hence why people arrange co-parenting agreements even down to when other dating candidates are arranged to meet the children. Oh, and poor Kathryn- the only item that Thomas was willing to give in on about the firing of the nanny was when it got too awkward that he stopped dating her daughter. It was the one night stand that never leaves- you get to see them every morning along with the awkwardness.

The dinner party continues with the hired help- you know Craig working the grill while Shep treats the dinner like the homecoming princess he always saw himself as. If Craig's Etsy Shop doesn't take off, he maybe Patricia's next butler.

Craig yet again shows why he is truly the classier gentleman of the group- that money doesn't buy you class- when he explains why he didn't bring a date. He wanted to show respect to Naomie and not bring a date. 

Naomie tells the camera she wanted to see more broken heartedness from him after their relationship dissolved.. Translating this- she fully tore down his self-esteem and wanted to revel in the results. She wanted to see him suffer more like you know she was. 

Ashley looks like a moth (a very basic beige vanilla one) as she nervously fluttering around in the back scenes- knowing that the rival is about to arrive- the one that she is trying to pretend didn't happen and the one she is constantly trying to compare herself as "Hey look at me I am the most UN-Kathryn" you can get. Thomas is smirking because all he wants to do is make Kathryn jealous. Score one for him- he thinks. 

The tribe of break-up girls come in like a gang of cats- they fan out, tails up knowing they are all going to see their ex's....or maybe it was more like an episode of Total Divas and the Royal Rumbles of WWE is about to happen. 

Chelsea saddles up to the bar like a confident cowboy- oh Austen, you need to back up there boy Chelsea's um gun I bet would be way bigger than yours. 

Thomas is like a 7th grader all over Ashley to continue his campaign of showing off- he needs to go back to politics or get a job because he has too much time on his hands leaving the kids with the nannies and chasing younger women. Keep the mind games for the political arena. Cameron keeps receiving multiple compliments from TrAshley who is acting like she is 7th grade as well with giggles and forgetting her nursing training to recognize a 9 month pregnant woman. 

Poor Kathryn is still in love with Thomas- that is her Mr. Big. Can I tell her honey- in real life- you outgrow Mr. Big along with your size 0 skinny jeans, Disney princess dreams and daddy issues. 

JD is giving pregnancy advice to Cameron about drinking a glass of wine a night- you know because he has gone through 4 of the pregnancies. If the Charleston gossip is true, his wife needed that and more to get through some of his antics. His successful business-family man- husband image is cracking - who provided many a time of guidance to Thomas when he didn't have a brain or was letting the "other" one do the thinking. Thomas has remained pretty silent on the subject- despite watching his life coach stumbling- probably because he is relieved another middle aged man is taking the arrows of the Charleston society; he is so naughty, but he is rich so it is acceptable.

The girls hate JD. Now, for all the shenanigans that Thomas has been involved in (including cocaine, young women, run-ins with the law) and NONE of them has ever called him but to defend him. For these polite southern women to be so obvious, and risk the wrath with the Grand Dame Lady Patricia Astor herself- either all of them are projecting their breakups- or they have been privy to some serious inside information of that break-up. Naomie lights into JD- not only with the single, without children, ire but also as a recently broken up woman herself projecting the pain of broken Pinterest wedding boards. Chelsea, Naomie, Danni and Kathryn all rally around like a pack of hyenas jumping on JD. Whitney and Austin shrug their shoulders like two little boys telling their mom Mikey Did it. No words. They definitely left their foxhole buddy to the enemy fire.

Kathryn and Thomas are hashing out nanny training by the bar. Where is Nanny McPhee when you need her? Keep her older so Thomas doesn't try to sleep with her- but then again she may have a daughter. He took it on himself to hire and make decisions without notifying her before his girlfriend. Maybe it is actually Thomas' plan to impregnate younger women thinking they will continue to validate his intelligence superiority because his father considers him to be the youngest and dumbest. Mmmm...maybe Thomas is the one with the daddy issues and not just the grandfather issues of these young ladies are coming into play. 

Ashley comes up on the two co-parents hugging, wearing a bridal up do to show Thomas what he is going to be getting down the aisle. I really think that will push him to put a ring on that naked finger.  I wonder if she upgraded her LinkedIn Account like Landon did when she was applying for the position of Mrs. Ravenel  

Cameron maybe softening around her mouthpiece edges for Whitney now that she is becoming a mother. Maybe she will realize that his strong opinion against Kathryn comes from hurt pride of being rejected and Patricia's glimmer of seeing herself in Kathryn- all the things she doesn't like about herself and tried to cover up with kaftans and morning cocktails. Or maybe it is the willingness of  Kathryn to be open with her parenting struggles with Thomas and every late teen/early 20s bad decision to be paraded for the cameras is basically the bread and bourbon for the show and bringing in a paycheck for everyone.

Thomas follows Ashley to the bathroom- together. They make a big  formal statement of leaving the table and letting the party goers in the living room know. I don't think Saint's birthday got this much of a Walmart birth announcement sent out. His children's mother is downstairs- and he is fornicating as a revenge screw- how classy. Oh my gosh, I regret now my parents didn't sign me up for cotillion. It is so convenient that Thomas pays Ashley's rent already- so he can see how it impacts his finances to have two mothers of his children. It is also further economical he tries to cut support for the one to pay for the newer one. So economical! 

Whitney tells Craig to put a muzzle on his ex girlfriend after going off on JD for his behavior; Craig takes Naomie aside and tells her she is did the right thing- and he would have done the same thing. Hence, why Craig will never get to sit at the big boy table at the Country Club or Yacht Club with the other good old boys. 

Morgan Island: Real Life Planet of the Apes

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In 1979, the Herpes B virus swept through the population of monkeys in the Caribbean Primate Research Center located in  La Paguera, Puerto Rico. Some of these monkeys had actually reportedly escaped the facility into the local area. Outbreaks among the locals would occur when the monkey populations would become excessive. 1,400 rhesus monkeys were shipped to an island located off of South Carolina. Each year about 750 newborns are born each year and now the population on Morgan Island is now about 4,000. The land is protected by the federal government going on 30 years. Researchers are the only people allowed on the island- who tag the monkeys and remove about 500 a year to use for medical testing. 

Morgan Island is 4,489 acres located between the Morgan and Coosaw RIvers. A 370-acre maritime forest is the primary area where the monkey colony resides- in case you get lost while fishing. The US Food and Drug Administration (USFDA) owns the monkeys. 

The medical testing that the monkeys have been instrumental in have included vaccines, polio, AIDS and bio-terrorism. The island is well protected due to the controversy of animal testing. And if civilians do try to "break" onto the island- the monkeys do not take well to outsiders as part of their natural territorial nature. 


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Ep.1 The Break Up Bunch (Part 1)

 

I'd rather be someone's shot of bourbon than everyone's cup of tea.


 This season opens with a montage of a "A Day In the Life" of the Charlestonians we missed...

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Cameron opens up with a contrived white-sheets-get-out-of-bed scene; where cameras and a producer are standing by after prompting her to stage it. The audience appreciates a brief glimpse of the Southern Living Magazine spread- and I am not talking about her cute little basketball prego belly.

Craig-Miissing-An-HGTV-Show is spraying for bugs or doing a popcorn ceiling on a property. Please tell me Pinterest is not telling him to bring back popcorn ceilings. 

 Shep is getting Chick Fil A. Not the first chicken we have seen him pick up.

Cameron brags about how easy her pregnancy has been- from the same woman who can eat tacos and beer without gaining weight (still waiting for a Bravo TV character that admits she gains weight when she looks at tacos and beers. I still standby the only "real" character that was the one who smoked with latex gloves and put her Fitbit on her dog from Home Sweet Oklahoma). 

Cameron and Shep talk about his recent foray into Dating with Shep or whatever wasted dating spin off he was on in order to avoid having a job- which I think the prize should have been you don't get a STD and get instead a mature man out of the deal not named after the show's star. Why keep pushing a guy who isn't ready to settle down? How did that work out for TRav who took the baiting of the friends to settle down? Why hasn't anyone pointed out that Shep is on the TRav track- only thing missing is a DUI or some drug charges...yet.

Danni is hanging out with Kathryn- because they need a female side kick besides one of the guys she has slept with, one who has crushed on her or a girl that TRav has slept with- apparently, Kathryn has realized that having babies with Thomas is not a ticket to King Street.  (If you have seen previous seasons- he allegedly promised  to take care of her for life. She didn't realize he thought this meant: lawyer fees, no-notice drug tests,  nanny dramatics, unfilled relationship commitments  and his own Wife classes that were set up for her to fail such as cooking and entertaining). Kids are expensive, they are not good monetary investments to get a return on and make everything harder- investment bankers and career counselors will let you know on this). Sadly, for her she has had to grow up really quick on camera- whereas the rest of the world usually does not have every bad decision, drunken night and double standard paraded on reality television and the hypocritical elitist judgements of her Southern Charm "friends" or peers giving commentary on it. She has turned from party college ginger- as in red sharpie marker hair- to really the girl I think a lot of people want to see succeed. She is the phoenix of the ashes- the audience wants to see her be the best mom, hustle her career, finally "be good enough" for Thomas only to reject him  and become the Robin Hood of Charleston. 

I want to know more about Danni's broken engagement (I know not my business). She said they were two different people right before the wedding- that means there is a story there. And I am not going to lie, her relationship with Stassi is incest. Something doesn't feel right about it. In this case, I don't like when reality television shows collide.

Thomas is mourning losing his nanny during negotiations with Kathryn more than the relationship with his children's mother; leading one to think maybe the boss needs more babying than the children need.

TRav introduces his new girlfriend, in an effort to project what he thinks he deserves like a boy scout badge- basically anything but Kathryn and to prove to some of the other younger fillies in his social circle such as Danni who has rejected him. 

Chelsea is on the show still- hopefully, we are spared of another showmance with Austin. Naomie is talking about the break-up with Craig; evidently she didn't appreciate his homemaker skills to be a good wife someday or his hope chest collection he has been saving of quilting supplies. I don't understand the sink set-up in her shop- it was very distracting whether the wall was done or not. There was a tin backsplash and some glue that was left. Is this a salon write-up with the department of health?  I am sorry- but it distracted me from paying attention the scene.

Chelsea doesn't appreciate late night visits from Austin after he went out with the boys. She isn't into him- surrr-prise the ending on this transparent effort to get her on the show. Chelsea assures Naomie she wasn't mad he was dating one of her friends. Listen, man, I know He's Just Not That Into You was an early 2000s fad...but may want to break out the Kindle edition of that for Austin. I may be old and immature- but I remember the days where you missed your guy and him coming over after seeing the boys made you feel special, you didn't even want to be apart for two hours and assured he wasn't going home with anyone else. I also remember the days you didn't want to see your guys with another friend. 

J.D. decides after 5 seasons that he wants to join the bachelors on the show- and be one. I mean that Elizabeth, mother of 4 children and socialite of Charleston, told him she is no longer in love with him. Ummmm. Okay. We can only hear his side of the story, because Ms. Elizabeth isn't going to give a one sided version of a divorce to a Bravo TV camera crew about the reasons. At least someone is thinking of the 4 mini j.d.'s. 

Shep gets a "Jennifer" (she is a blonde and has a name like Jennifer, Jessica, Katie or some other name that the audience isn't going to remember) to help him host a birthday at his house and sets up Craig as the grill daddy- because you know Shep sees him as the hired help and has to remind him any chance he gets on the hierarchy. The man made him an apron with his name on it- the man can throw down in Home Ec Class. Serously bud. 

TRav can't wait to show off his girlfriend he compares in every other interview to Kathryn, has having "manners." Ladies in TRav's eyes apparently that use the word "hootchie;" is classy in his social circles. 

The episode leaves off with the ladies all meeting to get ready to go to Shep's house for his birthday and to kick off the season. TRav leaves off wanting to show off his girl in front of Kathryn- because you know he is a pillar of the community and so much more mature than the younger mother of his children. 

The Gentleman Pirate...and his name wasn't Thomas

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Nearly 50 pirates were hung in Charleston in 1718. Blackbeard was the most infamous pirate who was in the harbor that year. However, the Gentleman Pirate, Stede Bonnet, met his maker on the gallows at White Point Garden. Stede Bonnet was a major in Barbados Army and came from a good family. He had been captured in a battle with Colonel William Rhett.

Bonnet was born July of 1688 in Bridgetown Barbados into a wealthy English Family. In 1694, after his father's death, he inherited his family's estate. He would go on to marry Mary Allamby in 1709. Despite his lack of nautical experience, Stede Bonnet decided to leave behind his marital problems, a dead child and dabble in piracy in 1717. 

On board his ship, Revenge, he paid a crew to travel along the eastern seaboard capturing and burning other Barbadian ships. He was seriously wounded with an encounter with a Spanish warship while en route to the haven for other pirates such as himself in the Bahamas. For a time, he ceded his command to Blackbeard due to him incapable of leading his crew. Together they plundered merchant ships together. His crew ultimately left him for Blackbeard aboard the Queen Anne's Revenge and Stede was a guest aboard for a time.  Or really, it was a nice way of saying that Blackbeard sensed an amateur and decided to seize command with the consent of Bonnet's first mate.  His ego was definitely hurt.

Stede Bennet went ashore in North Carolina- he found his ship abandoned and stripped- his 25 crew members were left on a small island. He began to grow his reputation with his improved skills- killing prisoners, pushing around civilians and crew abuse as he hit the seas again.. Colonel William Rhett was sent by the governor of South Carolina to capture him. Col Rhett chased him down to the mouth of the Cape Fear River. A firefight ensued with the pirate was captured; despite his declarations of blowing himself and the ship up. His crew was like, hold up, wait a minute and surrendered. Stede Bonnet tried to exploit his upper-class background and plead with the governor. His men had been hanged and his long trial ended with his hanging on the 10th of December 1718. His adventures last less than two years. 

Images were used from the Southern Charm's cast public Instagram profiles


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